A Man Who Is Not Me

A/N: A poem completely unworthy of the one I still love, after so many
years.

One day, Just a few seasons, Now
You will stand before the Lord and sell your life
To a man your father loves
A man Which, Who is not I

I wish you no suffering
For you have suffered and lost
More that you know
For you, my beautiful, blind child

I wish all the ignorance that bliss can provide
But I, as always, am selfish
And suffer so Sweetly with my loss

I know, though perhaps you do not
That I have done nothing to deserve this
Everything to deserve you

But "Fair" is an Unknown concept
Not too far from "True" and "Right"
Even the most generous Godly intervention
Could not deliver you into my arms

And that love for me would only bring you pain
So I ask for this and this only -
That when you cement your surrender
Transfer your life from one man to another

In that one instant see a face long forgotten
If only to be lost again in a moment past
In that moment, Remember me...

Sometimes life feels like crap...As it does now. I just found out from a good fren of mine that a guy who's courting her, is well, also liked by her...

Nothing wrong with that of course. I'm damn happy for her...Its just that, why can't it happen to me as well? No one I've loved in my life's ever had the same feelings for me...

The ones I've liked throughout my life...The first one was a real b****, someone who wanted nothing but money, I suspect. I wonder if she's ever loved me before...Probably never.

The second one, is like what I told my fren, a rose within a bed of deadly nightshade. Venomous weeds poisoning her mind against me, and her thorns were sharp against the skin of my hand as well. What choice did I have? I let her go.

And the third?...First time I saw her, I was totally enraptured. Totally. I stopped breathing for a few seconds then, even. Even till now, looking into her dark mysterious eyes gives me a thrill...Yet, I cannot tell her what I feel, cannot know what she really thinks, or whether I have a chance or not...

All because of these hands of mine...All thanks to that G2 pen of mine...But even if I would have the chance to tell her, I couldn't...I dread the consequences too much.

Heck, I have to stop myself from slurring when even when I speak to her normally. Not only that....There's guys from every corner trying to get her...

Its like VR's song, the Unattainable Girl...just that she's not on MTV, of course. But she probably will....In due time..................

So I ask for this and this only -
That when you cement your surrender
Transfer your life from one man to another

In that one instant see a face long forgotten
If only to be lost again in a moment past
In that moment, Remember me...

josh fatesealer turned back time on 2/08/2004 08:01:00 pm.