Requiem of Regret

So long it has been,
the years the number of fingers on a hand
So strange it now feels,
to see you once again

Do you remember?...i do
the foolish things we did as children
the unperceivable mix of puppy love
and of foolish lust?

I abhor myself, this faded carcass
living only because redemption's blood
flows through my veins; i feel unworthy

sorry,
for this travesty to womankind
sorry,
for this act that i gave in to

forget this i never will
letting you see what should be seen
only after the holy close of lips
and the presenting of vows to the King

black is the sin, and black is my heart
for giving in to your request
your question, that ripped away
the innocence that He instilled in us

now i will ask you this
a question in answer, after time long past
to yours; will you forgive me?

for not returning your love
for not taking it righteously
forgive me my King long has, and tells me to stop begging

but i need to know, need to hear
that you will forgive me
for all that i've done
for all that i've said

before i am willing to let go
of the past that eats at me
i am sorry for everything
so please will you forgive me?

************

wow.

my first "emotional writing". I know it's definitely NOT as good as frammie's **makes gestures at some particular people, and a few anons out there** or jolina's **does same gestures** or whoevers, but I simply had to do that.

You see, there are some things that can never be put into prose(and there are obviously some things that can never be put into poetry, but that's not the point.), and this is something that affects me deeply.

One of my deepest, darkest secrets came up to me one day and said hi. Turns out that she was working near where I work.

That simple exchange of a few words here and there kinda messed me up from then (Sat) till now. Thank God, Jesus spoke through Adrian, and kinda hit me in the heart with the message and altar call for forgiveness.

At least I know I'm free in His eyes.

Oh gosh. How has that simple, yet darkly powerful act alone affected her?...oh gosh...don't want to talk about it.





on a brighter note...I am not so poor anymore, thanks to working at my father's shop. The schedue is manaical, but at least i get paid for it. Hahahha...thinking of saving up for a...XBOX. =D

Hmm. But the PSP looks...tempting...But Penny Arcade says that the PSP is a POS, so...

heh. You know how Constantine will change my life? Yes. I will probably have inspiration for my Lightbringer novel. I will probably have inspiration for a new novel. I will have inspiration for my White Fortress novel.

Bah. It might be what Lord of the Rings was...Okay, sorry Shannon, it is nothing compared to Lord of the Rings, you can stop coming at me with a tweezer to rip my tongue off now.

Just a note; the ancients did things a lot harder than we do today. Try doing 100 Indian Squats. I confirm you will be in mass agony for doing such a simple-looking excercise.

AND the Floating Frog. AND the Caterpillar.

Man. Don't you hate it when someone you really really want to talk to comes online, you talk to that person for 5 minutes, and then your connection is somehow disconnected. You then go crazy and msg that person to wait, and almost kill yourself to go online.

And finally when you go online, you talk for less than five minutes and then the person goes offline without even a single goodbye.

Pisses you off, does it not? I know I am.

Alright enough with everything. I'll just leave you with a passage about me kicking this guy's ass. Wrote it when Sheryl told me some stuff. Cheers.

***********

"Gilcrist!" Joshua yelled, eyes burning with anger.

He walked furiously towards the East Barracks, where the lithe warrior was stationed.

"Gilcrist!"

The Lightbringer stood in a dusty square the size of a wrestling ring, and waited. Behind him, the pink-clad Amazon ran up behind him. She grabbed his hand, but Joshua shook his head. He spoke to her grimly "I have to teach him a lesson, girl. Stay behind me," before he turned his head towards the building and shouted again.

"GILCRIST!"

Finally the door creaked open, and a short, tanned warrior stepped out. His right hand gripped a golden sword and the other buckled in a final clasp on his breastplate. He looked at Joshua, and at her. When Gilcrist's eyes fell on her, he scowled contemptuously.

"So you're here to challenge me to a duel because of that b-"

Joshua drew his blade, and it rang as it rose in the air and caught the sun's rays. His expression darkened even more as he spoke: "I am here to teach you a lesson. Do not make me have to remove your head from your shoulders."

Gilcrist flushed angrily, but said nothing and readied his blade.

"Ready?" Joshua asked without concern.

"Ready." The minute those words left his lips; the dashing, tanned figure launched a blistering attack. The Lightbringer parried it with ease.

"Is that the best you can do?"

Suddenly, the shining quality about Joshua, the aura that was present on all paladins changed. Before it was an Aura of Regeneration, an aura that promoted healing of wounds and fatigue. Now it took on a darker tone, and the onlookers gasped as horrifying truth sank into their guts: He was now using the Aura of Terror, used by many blackguards and Death Templars.

Gilcrist's eyes widened. Then he focused his will to block off the overwhelming fear, and continued to fight.

It ended very quickly. Though Gilcrist was pretty good and possibly healthier than Joshua, the short guy was no match for Joshua's synergy of skills and experience. In three sweeping strokes the paladin had disarmed him, and left the gilded sword on the ground.

Gilcrist, seeing an opportunity to escape, yelled: "I'm unarmed!"

Joshua stuck his blade in the ground, flexed his hands, and replied: "Me too."

Gilcrist threw a left hook hoping to connect with Joshua, but he blocked the blow. Instead the taller Joshua sent a quick left jab to his face, stunning him. As his vision returned, he saw Joshua deliver a powerful right cross into his face. A crack sounded, and he knew that his nose was fractured.

Tears streamed from Gilcrist's eyes, but Joshua knew that was only from the fractured nose. He did a sidestep, and swept a hard right elbow into the nose again, this time breaking it completely. Blood began to stream like rivers from the nostrils, but Joshua didn't care.

He continued to deliver a series of furious alternating hooks, one left and the other right. His fists slammed into the short warrior's temples one after another, and after the eighth blow, he saw that Gilcrist was halfway gone. He pulled his right arm down and backwards, and delivered a devastating right-handed uppercut that rocked Gilcrist off his feet and onto his back. A loud crack also told him that the jaw was also dislocated.

The paladin disengaged his cross-blade from the side of his thigh, and straddled the now-broken warrior's chest. He bent forward, and pressed the edge of the cross-blade against the skin of Gilcrist's neck. Joshua lowered his head till his lips were just next to the fallen warrior's ear, and spoke:

"If you ever hurt her again, there'll be hell to pay. And this time, your life's forfeit."

He got up and kept the blade back in the cross. He turned and walked away, snatching up his sword from the earth and sheathed it on the second try.

He stopped, and looked up at the pink-clad girl.

"It is done."

josh fatesealer turned back time on 2/06/2005 10:50:00 pm.